Support that I can give you!

 I am far from perfect as I have stated.  I still struggle and I still lose hope, but like I also mentioned I have a support system.

I have an adoptive parent, whom I love very much, but was away a lot and I don't know if I will ever get over the anger that still lingers at her absence and lack of availability to effectively protect me growing up.  I still rely on her though, and now as an adult, I rely on her more than ever.  Her heart is to correct what happened when I was a child, and I'm not sure she has realized that the past is done, however I appreciate how involved, how attentive and how intentional she is now.

I have a very close friend, he held me as I sobbed and lost hope as me dreams and expectations crashed around me.  As I lost all hope of ever seeing a future full of success, a future that has any joy in it, a future not overshadowed with struggle, pain and anxiety.  I couldn't do anything but cry, and he felt that I was unduly brining myself down, and then I snapped.  In that moment words meant nothing, pain, anxiety and the deep depth of depression I had suppressed felt like I was drowning, in that moment I needed a life vest, a float or someone who could swim better than I could in that moment... maybe I needed a lifeguard. That is what he became, when he stopped talking, reached out and just hugged me close to him.  With no words, he gave me that 1 moment of peace and in turn hope.

I have a mother and father who adopted me when I was 18, they spoke a different language, they gave unconditional love, they have a different religion and morals that I had never learned.  Loyalty, acceptance, love and respect for human life.  My father and mother are Mexican nationals, they have spent years teaching me to speak Spanish, loving me into completeness, standing up for me and teaching me effective, loving and kind communication. With effective communication even with a language barrier, these people are my biggest supporters, closest family and most loyal confidants. They physically protect me, sure, but more importantly, the emotionally, psychologically and in every aspect protect me from everyone including myself.

I have learned non-violent and logical parenting from all of the people in my life who have supported me through the trauma, the pain and the mental health issues.  The support system that I have built brick by brick ever since I was a child, have been instrumental in deconstructing the abuse and neglect I endured in my adoptive home.  I appreciate each of them more than I can ever express, but how does this effect you?

1) YOU can begin to build your own support system after trauma, but there are a few things to keep in mind:

a. Are these people still in contact with your abuser?

b. Do these people excuse, deflect or ignore the abuse that you endured?

c. Do these people support you and believe you?

d. Do these people understand your basic, primal and sometimes irrational fears, that were rational at one time? Do they understand your needs in regards to these fears and experiences?

e. Do you trust them, with your protection when you believe that you cannot protect yourself? And do they love you enough to do that even if you cannot ask, are paralyzed by the anxiety or are drowning in a depression so deep that you just cannot get out?

2) if you don't know how to answer those questions, if you are not sure of the answers or if you don't trust yourself to answer those questions objectively, luckily you have found me and I can help.

I am here to help you, and my services are both affordable and effective.  If you just need to vent to an unbiased ear, if you need to assess your relationship(s) or if you need to figure out the next steps or plan an escape from a narcissist in your life... you have me and I am here to help. We will figure this out together.