My Life in a nutshell

  The amount of people who truly believe that children under the age of 2 have no cognitive memories, always forget the outliers. Like myself, we are the ones who remember. We remember what happened, we have flashes like a movie clip that can be triggered by many different things.  The fact is, I remember a lot. I have the uncanny ability to survive the memories, the pain, the loss, the disregulation that so many are crippled by. Maybe because I am a system with many who hold the memories piece by piece, maybe my brain split far younger than I thought, who knows. What I do know is that the triggers around this time of year are so bad that I often get to the point of harming myself, and taking drastic risks I wouldn't at any other time of the year. I am never sure if I will survive the Hollidays and this year is no exception. As I struggle to fight who I am, what I experienced and the depression, anxiety, PTSD triggers, fear, seasonal triggers and so much more daily. When peopl...

 Sometimes it isn't just about the holiday, sometimes its everything to do with the memories. Like be so fucking for real right now, the fact is that my family as a whole sucks. What happens when thanks giving is just an excuse to publicly neglect the kids in your home and get away with it. And what is holidays are just the time to publicly humiliate the one person who actually called you on your shit. Like how many thanks givings in a row can one child be in trouble and grounded and kept away from all the adults and family in a row before those adults SAY something? To those who did, I am eternally grateful. To those who still make excuses for them, FUCK YOU. And to those who didn't know what else to do, your concerns fell on deaf ears and the authorities ignored you, I know. I know what you did, I know how concerned you were and yes I made it out alive. Thank you to all who tried. Thank you to all who fought for me, thank you to all who did the absolute most, confronted my ab...

  Moments in time Moments in space A drop in the ocean A lifetime of waste If we had so much "potential"  If we wee such a "special case" With an all knowing, all loving, Omnipotent God as our face... Wouldn't we live such lives greater than a tortoise? but no we are human our lives not the shortest bet not the longest either... So I glee we are just meh... Somewhere in the middle our adaptive traits have kicked in. Are we special or simply a parasite adaptive and cold In a world full of animals warm blood and cold I chose to be me,  whatever that means. Living life without borders But boundaries it seems  Is the trap that we set to divide and deceive. 

  If you claim to be my family, and if I claim you as mine, then you are held to a very specific standard. You are a part of my family, you are a part of my life, you hold a place in my heart and THAT is an honor. I defend my family with everything in me, right, wrong or indifferent, it doesn't matter. But when abuse starts, verbal, emotional, physical, mental, financial or otherwise consider yourself dead to me. I will burry you in the graveyard of my mind, hold a celebration and watch your memory burn. I am not one to play these games and as we all have seen I am also not one to let the memory of your betrayal die. I may not have the ability to hate, but I do have the ability to hold others accountable for their bad actions. Call me out to my face if you have so much against me, but do NOT turn into a bully and treat those who love me badly because you have a personal problem. So to the man I chose to call father, let into my life, trusted, chose to become an official member of h...