Joy with Complex-PTSD - Panic and Joy are Joined by Experiances




 Joy

is complex.

Joy 

is complicated. 

Joy

is difficult.



Complex emotions

that most people

accept as normal

like fear,

anger

frustration

sadness

hopelessness 

and loss

for me became the majority of

life.

Feelings like 

Joy,

hope,

love 

and peace 

were rare enough,

but also followed within seconds, minutes or days 

with violence

anger

explosions

and family

(parental) 

abuse...

so much 

abuse.




So now

as a 26 year old,

as a mother

as an adult

with responsibilities 

all those Normal, 

Good

Joyful feelings

Cause me to 

completely

utterly

uncontrollably 

Panic.





And how the HELL 

am I supposed 

to heal from that?


What the Hell am I supposed 

to do and feel 

when the happy emotions

bring me to my knees

WITH PANIC.



With complex-PTSD 

Joy is Panic.


-Madi-


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