Feelings, thoughts, pain, joy &/or life



 The moments

The happy ones

Are tainted.


Each memory

Shrouded in Grief

in Pain

in fear.


Each second of my life

Nightmarishly blended

into mush.


Fear

Pain

Anger

Rage

Are all I remember as a child.


I was expected to act happy,

I was 

exhausted,

beat down

in pain.


Birthdays are

Hellish.

Hollidays are

Pain.

Forgiveness is,

for me.

They have nothing they can gain.


The shit

The abuse

The fear

Never believing I would live.

7 and 

8 year olds don't do these things

Nor 10,

Or 12

or 15, 

17,

18

19

23

24

I really never believed

In the survival instinct.


Hell. 

Does.

Not.

Scare.

Me.


My life has been so bad that the flames of Christian hell are to mild.

But my Gods

My stars

My Guides

Ancient Wisdom.


I am alive,

Why?


Why is it so painful?

Why do the happy memories fade,

Quickly?

Simply.

Why?


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